An Idiots Guide To Functional Fitness

What is Functional Fitness?

It’s quite simple really. Its exercises and workouts that replicate movements and patterns that you use in every day life. Now an important thing to remember is that true functional expert knows that as long as you just use your body weight it doesn’t matter what weird and twisted position they put their body in, this is a requirement to be functionally fit. I mean we all know that crawling around on all fours is an everyday activity. I mean how many times have you dropped a contact, needed to evade a barrage of low flying arrows or worked in the adult film industry!!

So I Shouldn’t Lift Weights?

Absolutely not. The notion of lifting anything which is not your own appendage is ridiculous. Weights are just not needed and everyone knows they slow you down and make you tight and restricted. You only have to look at Usain Bolt or Dmitry Klokov who both lift weights and this can be clearly seen. So stay away from them.

How Do I Know My Trainer Is A True Functional Fitness Trainer?

There are some real tell tale signs if you’ve got yourself a real trainer. Firstly they will tell you that they are pretty quickly as they demo how they can gracefully transverse the gym in a series of bends, crawls and twists. And the most obvious sign as with all great trainers they will have large writing on their t shirt telling you they are a “Supreme, Master, Overlord, Grand High Wizard Trainer” or words to that effect!!

So How Do I start?

Well the easiest way is to go out on a Saturday night consume 20 pints and before you know it you will be crawling around like an expert.

If you want anymore helpful fitness tips feel free to ask us at